Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
