Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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