LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
