He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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