apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
