birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
