Are we in a gay sports bar?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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