i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
