Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
