What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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