I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
