How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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