I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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