No subtext here. People are naked.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
