I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
