I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
