It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
