I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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