it was like eating out sand paper
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
