Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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