In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
