it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
