Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize