I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
