she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
