I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
