seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
