I look better un-naked...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
