Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
