No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
