I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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