At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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