i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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