roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
