so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
