Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
