Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
