my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
