yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
