Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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