do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
