I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
