Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
