1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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