How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize