I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
