we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
