and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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