He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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