I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
