dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
