my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
