Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she told me i tasted like america
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
