i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
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