So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
