She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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