my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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