I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
