he puts the penis in happiness.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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