there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
