do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
