Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
