i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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