I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
