After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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