Jerry, you need to find god
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
